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Will it be like this when we’re married? I caught him off guard, that’s all it is, I told myself. A few more strokes ended his probing of my vagina, and he pulled out, coming into a napkin he had waiting. I drew my underwear and pants up and looked in the mirror. There wasn’t much to straighten on myself except my shirt. ‘That was unexpected, but welcomed,’ David smiled. I nodded and forced a smile, fighting back tears. ‘Yeah. I should really go. I need to work on my portfolio and stuff, but I’ll talk to you later.’ ‘Okay. Love you.’ ‘Me too,’ I said, closing his office door. I cried all the way back to campus. Was it from the guilt I felt because Holden kept starring in any type of dream I had? Or was it guilt for not enjoying sex with David? I disregarded the last thought, knowing David did not enjoy most of the encounter, either—until he was getting pleasure, anyway. I found an empty spot on the quad and laid out my portfolio papers. I had to make sense of the drawings and. As she poured the ginger ale into her glass I tried to think about thebest way to accomplish this new goal. I had the desire, the intent, butnot the plan. See, I didn't want to just fuck her and damn theconsequences. The thought of pulling down her shorts and thong, pullingdown my pants, and just plowing into her pussy over the kitchen table was awonderful mental image, but I didn't think it would work even though I hada feeling she'd welcome it. If one thing went wrong, or I'd misinterpretedher signals, I'd be ostracized by my family, maybe even arrested. I wastoo chicken-shit to risk that. Conversely, I also didn't want Beth tothink it would be a regular thing. She was fine in small doses, but Ialways got annoyed when I had to hang out with her for too long. I didn'tthink even being regular fuckbuddies, if I could pull it off, would counterthat. No, I had to think carefully, come up with a good way to do it, find away for her to come after me, if possible, just for.
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